Full Of Crock

In honor of Fashion Week, I investigated Katie Dickens' advice on boosting your style IQ in the article titled: Fashion 101, in February's issue of In Style.

It was all about belts. Skinny belts. Ribbon belts. Even ostrich, crocodile, lizard and python belts.

She says that narrow leather belts generally work better on petite frames. While this may be true, it definately leads us to question: What work do they do? And, if they are working better, how did they work before?

In pursuit of answers to these questions, we checked out the work-experience section of several resumés supplied by crocodiles.

Mr. Longsnout's account tidily sums up the average croc's work.

He states: "Cleared swamp area of debris, including all humans and their remains. Due to the fact, that humans possess longer legs and more agility, this project required highly developed locomotion skills. I attribute my success in gaining these skills to the multi-station, exercise treadmills at Premier Life Fitness and Jazzercise Health Spa whose daily exercise program required a lot of backbone.

"This environmental Swamp Reclamation project also required clever planning, superior strategy and a stupendous amount of patience. Without divulging too many trade secrets, it is permissible to mention here, that one of my superior strategies is the art of camouflage.

"Disguising myself as a swamp-log required extensive knowledge in makeup artistry which enabled me to tone down an extraordinarily glowing complexion and add a sun-kissed effect to my thick-skinned vertebrae ridges. By applying these cosmetic techniques with perfection, I was able to lure more humans to step into my speedily-opened mouth."

Now, that is the work a crocodile does. Yet, when retired to belt status, it would seem that the end of his career is upon him and subsequently, he does no work whatsoever.

It is regrettable that we have run past our time allowance allocated to explore the work experiences of the ostrich, lizard and python in today's column, yet, let it suffice to say that I fear they have all met similar fates as our friend, Mr. Longsnout.

Thereby, we should make the distinction that while they may once have worked, they are no longer doing so.

Therefore, it matters not whether the frame is petite, whether they, themselves, are narrow, medium or wide; nor should a comparison of better, best or poorly be placed upon a work that, in any event, is no work at all.
Full of Crock © 2006 Chaeli Lee Sullivan