Pickle Puckie

Whoever invented halogen bulbs ought to have their head examined.

I mean, c'mon! You can't touch the bulb while screwing it in the socket? Give me a break.

Sitting in the dark trying to figure this one out, isn't working. It sure would help if we could throw some light on the situation.

Maybe tongs would work. Put the metal to the glass instead of oil from the fingertips. Ski mittens and curling tongs are the perfect solution, but I can't find the mittens in the dark. Now where did I put that flashlight?

Ever try screwing a light bulb into a socket with curling tongs? Don't even attempt it. You'll get the shock of your life!

Well, let's see. Something simple like a cloth, maybe? That ought-a work. There's a grease rag around here somewhere.

Shucks.

That didn't work either. Simple solutions for major problems never do. The cloth turned just fine, but the bulb never swivelled a millimeter.

Hmmm . . . I just know we can figure this out. Maybe the thermoplastic resin in Saran Wrap will turn that bulb.

Well, that worked. Sort-of. Screwed the bulb in just fine. Then phatt! The halogen must have escaped. Immolated that Saran Wrap to a crisp. Now that we know thermoplastic resin and halogen are not compatible, we won't try that again. Phew! What an odorous adventure. There ought-a be a hazardous warning about this on the box!

Who would-a believed that screwing a Klieg light would turn into such a confusing, messy, complicated affair? What an imbroglio.

Guess there's no choice left but to call Jimmy and ask him to do the screwing. I just hate to ask for his help, though. Why, it'll be just like using a bicycle pump to put more air into an already over-inflated tire. He always brags that he's the only one who can get things done around here.

Ah shucks. Think I'll try just one more possibility.

Pickle juice. Why didn't that occur to me before? Sure now and won't the acetic acid neutralize fingertip oil?

"Uh? Oh! Hello Jimmy. What are you doing here? . . . What am I doing with the pickles? Well, see, it's a new game called: Playing Pickle Puckie With Halogen Bulbs. Wanna play? Just grab the bulb, some pickles, stand on this chair and screw. It's a piece of cake."

Pickle Puckie © 2005 Chaeli Sullivan