Nose Job

OK. So it's not my fault the dog had an "accident" right by my bedside. But after scrubbing the "spot" for thirty-three hours with every cleaning agent invented between here and Russia, I have to admit I could still smell "it."

THAT's when I did what any normal person would do. I dumped a whole bottle of perfume on the critical area, folded my hands in resignation, and walked away.

Everything was hunky-dory until bedtime.

I should tell you the rest of the day zipped along pretty smoothly. Did a bit of housecleaning. Washed the kitchen down with PineSol, waxed the hardwood floors with Lemon Pledge, and swabbed the windows with vinegar. The house was a bouquet of fragrances.

I could have fallen asleep standing up but I went to bed first. That was my mistake. If I had layed down on the lemon-scented hardwood floors, I'd have had a better night's sleep. That perfumed spot kept me awake all night.

Talk about aromatherapy!

Now there are several resources that say aromatherapy is good for the soul. It's an elixir of plant oils burned as incense, massaged into the skin, or poured into one's bath.

These resources say the Egyptians were the first to use Aromatherapy when they embalmed the dead. Can you imagine laying around for centuries, trapped in mummy wrapping drenched with perfumes? Why your nose would never smell the same again!

There's a science to aromatherapy, or so they tell me. The NAHA, National Association of Holistic Aromatherapy, prescribes it as an alternative medicine to promote health of body, spirit and mind.

NAHA practitioners claim that a regular massage with Oil of Grapefruit keeps the nerves in balance. Now this may be true, but have you ever wondered what an unbalanced nerve looks like? Is it a teeter-totter type affair with the nerve on one end and grapefruits on the other? And which grapefruits are used for this oily essence? Pink? Ruby? Or plain old Whites? I think if my nerves were unbalanced, they would prefer the Pinks, wouldn't yours? Or perhaps the Rubies would do.

And what about these aromatherapists who claim that Oil of Geranium will restore harmony to my energy flow? How do they know? Is there some scientific test that MEASURES the harmony in energy flow? What I'd really like to know is: how they catch the energy flow to measure it in the first place?

As you can plainly see this aromatherapy is a complicated business. Why there are essential oils to cure everything from athlete's foot to enlightenment. My feet are perfectly fine, thank you very much, and I'm not too sure I want a cure for my enlightenment. I've worked awfully hard to get as far as I have with it.

Well folks, it's that yawning hour again. Since I didn't get much sleep last night with all of this aromatherapy stuff on my mind, I figure tonight I ought-a get a good snooze.

And just to insure this, I went down to the health food store today and bought all their purest grapefruit, sliced them into triometric squares, and packed that spot full of these aromatheraphic remedies to chase the evil spirits away. If you happen to walk by and see these spirits, I'd appreciate it if you'd let me know what they looked like. I've never seen one.

Good night all -- Chaeli has snozzle-proofed the mind, body and spirit.
Nose Job © 2005 Chaeli Sullivan