Twinking Chinker Pots

You know, when I gave up drinking I had no trouble finding a use for the empty beer bottles. There were none.

But giving up smoking has created a heck of a quandry. There are all these empty ashtrays sitting around and the lazy bums aren't doing anything useful. So I decided to put them to work.

Figured they'd make swell candy dishes but guests said: "Phew! Who wants to eat candy tainted by nicotine and tar?"

I pointed out that I'd washed the ashtrays but the guests said: "Oh, it's the residue we object to. You can't wash that away."

So I ate the candy, enjoyed the residue, and gained 53 pounds. Ended up as wide as I was tall. But that's OK. I can proudly boast: "I am a non-smoker."

Tried to use those ashtrays as art-deco-candlestick-holders but when the wax tapered out and burned down to the residue, I noticed my neighbors choking and gasping for breath. Guess they were suffering from second-hand smoke.

Figured the ashtrays would make great soup bowls for miniature kangaroos but they thought the residue was mildew and strangled to death trying to spit it out. Always did hear that tar and nicotine were deadly.

I may not be as tight as Jack Benny but I can't see any reason to throw away perfectly good ashtrays. So I guess I'll leave them sitting around. As it turns out, they make great chinker cans for shooting twiddly winks into which beats twiddling my thumbs since twitching tar and nicotine sticks is now taboo.
Twinking Chinker Pots © 2006 Chaeli Lee Sullivan