Security Kills Economic Growth

If you've been following economic growth predictions in the news lately, you're probably as confused as the analysts.

Watching the daily reports is like elevator surfing with a man and a wife who are dueling over floor-selector controls. One day's uptick is the next day's downslide.

This kind of news causes an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your solar plexus as your stomach juices don't know whether they are slipping up or sloshing down. That is because they don't know whether they are coming or are going which means that the juices feel barricaded from going in any direction at all.

It is a known fact that has been verified by the Department of Statistics that the overuse of barricades slows down economic growth to a standstill.

How, you may ask, did it get to the point where barricades have the Dow bouncing like a vulcanized spheroid? And when did barricades multiply out of control?

Well, it started gradually. First, along the Mexican-American border; then the use of barricades escalated at an inverse ratio to the speed of light. They popped up everywhere.

After their first appearance, it became quite common to see them at construction sites where they marked a work area or road hazard such as the the 30-foot deep sinkhole in Los Angeles' Sun Valley area. We can all agree that barricades have some useful purposes.

Then, as with all such inventions, they were given a nickname. Crowd Stoppers. Which led to the increase of their usage. Now you see them at museums, Tibetan Temples, fairs, festivals, stadiums, arenas, convention centers and anywhere Bush's motorcade plans to travel.

Recently, Grandma Poppins was trying to cross the main street of her hometown. Grandma's not all-together the agile type. Her cane and bedroom slippers slow her down. Even so, she might have made it across, if the barricades hadn't stopped her.

As I walked up beside her, she looked at me in confusion and asked: "Why are these streets barricaded?"

"Well, Ma'am, I believe an article in this morning's paper stated that President Bush's cavalcade is planning to pass this way. Looks like the city officials thought they needed some Crowd Stoppers."

"Pshaw. They'll never need Crowd Stoppers for that man. Besides, he's in Europe right now. Why would they plan a motorcade for him here?"

Good question. I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, but the point is, that barricade usage has gotten out of hand. There are over a 100 thousand miles of highways in America alone and all of them could be barricaded simultaneously if the Bush team and city officials got their wires crossed -- again! NOBODY'S grandma could get across any street in the whole USA if that happened.

The situation will only get worse if something isn't done about it.

Now the Spandau Ballet group, who saw this problem emerging years ago, are re-issuing their CD of "Through The Barricades" with additional, updated material about this serious problem. And demonstrators in Togo's Lome have mounted flaming barricades to protest further installations. Futhermore, pedestrians who were penned up in New York City started the Great Barricade and Jaywalking Controversy.

We cannot let these brave activists do all our work for us. We must get involved and call upon our government and city leaders to remove all midtown and interstate barricades, so we can make the streets and sidewalks safe for our dear old grandmothers.

The time to act is now. Your country's economic growth depends on it.
Security Kills Economic Growth © 2005 Chaeli Sullivan