Good Hands Caught Red-Handed

The study of shorthand came to me late in life. I tried to learn it in high school but received a non-passing grade. The teacher couldn't read my "handwriting."

I've never understood why penmanship is referred to as handwriting. The hand is capable of many talents yet rarely does it submerge itself in ink and actually write.

It is conceivable to see a hand out rather than in, but for that matter, I've never seen an iron hand. I'm pretty sure in this day of modern technology such an item is possible except, surely, medical engineers would use some lighter-weight metal or plastic. Although: "He ruled with an aluminum hand", doesn't sound quite the same, does it?

It's difficult for me to see someone changing hands. How do they do that? Do they unscrew it at the wrist and substitute another? And if they are going to throw in their hand, do they retrieve it later and reattach it when time is more convenient?

Someone once requested that I lend him a hand. He seemed puzzled when I asked when he planned on returning it. If it was only for an hour or two, I could cope with that, but otherwise I'd feel quite lost without it.

I haven't seen too many dead man's hands, either. Is there some special museum where they are displayed? The thought of digging up a grave is much too macabre for me to consider -- just to view this oddity. And I rarely attend funerals.

I'm always suspicious when I go to church and the minister says: "We will all join hands, now." I find myself looking around for men carrying soldering guns and wonder, if later, our hands will come apart at the seams.

The trouble with hands is they're sometimes mistaken for something else. Like handkerchiefs. Kerchiefs reside on the head, not the hand, so why aren't they named for what they really are?

Handsome is another. It's totally misleading. A friend recently said: "Handsome, isn't he?" (She almost had a handfull of drool, but that's a different matter.) I looked around for this handsome man but the one's I could see only had two.

Someone being an old hand at some skill is entirely plausible. Trouble is folks are generally describing a teenager or some such younger person.

Well, before this gets out of hand, and in order to avoid all the confusion about these personal possessions, it's time to buckle down to my study of Gregg, and besides, a short hand can be quite handy.

Good Hands Caught Red-Handed © 2005 Chaeli Sullivan