Pillows And The Great Depression

Boy! Once those airlines get to banning stuff, they go whole hog, don't they?

It started when they figured out they could get away with banning smoking. It's all gone downhill from there.

They banned hot meals in flight.
They banned folks from carrying cigarette lighters.
They banned cell phone usage.

Now they've gone and done it. They've banned pillows.

PILLOWS !!!

In defense of the airlines, they say sacking pillows will speed up the plane's arrival at it's next destination. Gimme a break. If those turbo jets are slowed down by a little bit of fluff, we're all in deep trouble. Should you REALLY be on a plane that can't carry the weight of a few dozen pillows?

I suppose most of those pillows are filled with kapok. If the airlines are having a weight problem they could go back to using pillows filled with feathers. Feathers, at least, are designed to fly.

They moan about having to pay: now get this -- 55 CENTS PER PILLOW, and 5-7 CENTS for the case!

Oy Veh! They haven't shopped Sears lately, have they! Buy a pillow at Sears and it will cost you $36. Unless, you choose one with feathers in it. That will set you back $90. And don't believe the cases are free, either. If you don't want to sleep on the ticking, that'll be another $16.99, thank you very much. That the airlines should be so lucky! Fifty-five cents for the pillow and a nickle for the case.

Why, just the decision to stop using pillows is going to depress the economy. Have you figured out how many pillow companies are going to go belly up? Celeste Industries is already feeling the pinch. And what about the fabric industry? It gets worse and worse. Consider the thread companies. Then there's the sewing machine industry. And the sewing machinists. This will cause mass unemployment.

My Uncle Sylvester, we call him Sly for short, has a good heart. He really cares about our economy. So, he sat down and figured it all out. He survived the Great Depression, you know, so he has a handle on how to turn a dollar. The way he sees it, the airline's pillow short-change is gonna make him a millionaire.

He's got a minature battery-operated sewing machine. One of those light weight ones you hold in one hand. Uncle Sly figures he'll book a flight, carry on ticking, puff and fluff, make pillows in flight, sell them on the spot, and ah . . . did I mention fleece? the customers.

He's worried though that somehow the airline personnel will mistake the ticking for a bomb, and make him pony up his free frequent flyer miles. They're worth half as much as they were before, but for a Great Depression Survivor, somethings worth more than nothing.

Me? I'm just glad I quit flying the commercial skies while they were still user friendly.
Pillows And The Great Depression © 2005 Chaeli Sullivan